Trying to Make Sense

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Last month, I went to a wake where the room was filled with laughter and stories. It was a celebration for a great man who enjoyed 101 years of living (or a solid 97 – life got a little uncomfortable after that point). Our family was honored to have known this man well. He lived with his granddaughter and her family who are dear friends of ours. His death left us all feeling sad, but it made sense. It was time. The cycle of life.

Yesterday I attended another wake. One of Jack’s classmates passed away last week. A young man who’s life was filled with challenges, but every time I saw him he wore a bright smile. I hadn’t known this young man well, but he and Jack shared a classroom for the last couple of years and his passing left me lost — not knowing what to do other than to go to the wake and pay my respects to his family. I decided not to bring Jack. Jack knows what happened, but I couldn’t bare having him focus on the loss (there needs to be some advantages to having a challenging life). I made the drive to the wake trying not to think too much about where I was going and was at the wake for less then ten minutes — just enough time to pay my respects and run out of the building before my tears started flowing.

I sat in the car trying to catch my breath and make sense of it all. How can nature can be so cruel and why is life – especially for some – so fragile?

My heart aches for this child and for his family. My heart aches for everyone who knew and loved this child. My heart aches for our entire CPNJ family. My heart aches knowing it could be us.

I’ve been thinking about it all day and the one thing that’s making me feel a little better is thinking about all the people who filled that room yesterday. It was not the celebration that happens following a long life, but this young man clearly touched many lives in his short life. There were a lot of tears in that room, but there was also a lot of love. 

I still can’t really make sense of this untimely loss, but I’m trying. The reminder of just how fragile life can be could have me in a puddle, but instead I’m trying to think of it as a gift. A reminder not to waste time and to enjoy every second with people that I love.

Love, Jess

THIS is not Bravo

Why were a dozen people following us around with cameras and piles of questions for the last couple of days? We can tell just yet, but I can promise you that it will be more real than anything you’ve seen on Bravo.*

 

Love, Jess

* I love Bravo – every last bit of their version of reality – it’s just that THIS is not Bravo.