Monthly Archives: August 2023

It Got ME!

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I’ve done a good job of hiding for three and a half years. It’s come close to finding me before, but I’ve managed to keep it at bay. I thought I was still being careful, but I guess I let my guard down. I’m not sure if it snuck into me when we were at the Yankee game last Sunday or maybe it was hiding on the nice young man who was selling solar panels last week. Either way COVID landed and found a temporary home in me last Tuesday.

It started with what seemed like a stomach bug. A blessing really – not just a jumpstart to my fall diet, but the stomach bug is an illness that makes us react quickly (years ago, Jack had one massive seizure and it was triggered by a stomach flu). So, last Tuesday, as soon as my stomach started churning, I raced upstairs and crawled into the guest room where I stayed for days and days. The vomiting turned to a fever and aches which then turned into a runny nose and cough. By Saturday I started venturing down for visits with the family around the pool but I’m still wearing a mask and sleeping upstairs. I’m following every protocol that the CDC has – I don’t want either of my boys getting this gem. My clients are all virtual this week and Jack and Dan have been on their own for meals and dog care and laundry. 

It’s the second time in less than a year that Dan has needed to take over without warning. In October I broke a rib which ended up being a solid eight-week recovery. This won’t be nearly that long, but I can’t express how grateful I am to be married to a guy that doesn’t miss a beat.

Thank you DanO for everything you do. And, JackO I promise that Mom will be back to herself and mask free on Friday!!!

Stay healthy folks!!!

Love, Jess

The word AND and the word ONWARD

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This week has been a good reminder that life is often full of the word AND. You can be struggling AND be successful. You can be proud of someone AND disappointment in them. You can be full AND eat the entire pint of Ben and Jerrys. You can have joy in your life AND sorrow. 

Our lives are always filled with ANDs, but this week joy AND sorrow have collided in a way that’s been unsettling.

We’ve been hit with the loss of a dear friend that has us all feeling shattered. A friend from my childhood – more of a sister really. Someone who knew me before I was me. We were part of each other’s families – our histories. She had a way of making the world seem brighter. Dan loved her too and of course so did Jack and Anna because this beautiful person was one of those people that everyone loved.

We’d been bracing for her loss, but you can never really be ready to hear the news that the world has lost a human that you treasure. 

We got the call that she was gone as I was setting up for Jack’s birthday party. Jack turned 25 last weekend. Seemed inappropriate to be celebrating but how could we not? Jack is 25 and doing great and beat so many odds. So, we plastered on some smiles, went through the motions, and got through the party. I felt a little guilty at one point when I found myself laughing with his other mothers. 

Am I allowed to be happy when part of my heart is missing?

Today we have another occasion to celebrate. Anna has started medical school and has her white coat ceremony. We’re returning to Washington Heights where we lived that summer of 2007, but this time we’re going to start a new chapter as Anna works towards being Dr. Banana. Again, I’m feeling strange — almost guilty — trying on dresses and making dinner reservations, but what choice do I have?

Life isn’t fair and I can’t really appreciate that it makes sense in any way. But, I will deal with all the ANDs and keep on moving forward. My friend used the word ONWARD a lot this last year.

Nothing I’ve done this week has been without my friend at the top my mind. She was a beautiful person, but she also had a way of calling me on my billshit. The last time we spoke, she held my hand and we reminisced about our long history. I was a mess and she told me I needed to be strong and to remember her with a smile, not tears. I promised her I would, but it might take a little time.

ONWARD!

For now, I will feel sorrow AND joy. As I get ready to watch my daughter receive her white coat, I have tears in my eyes AND a smile on my face. I will wear something fabulous – my friend had impeccable taste and told me that I needed to break up with StichFix or “at least up your budget and go do some real shopping”. Today I will wipe away my tears and cheer on Banana as I sit with family, including my 25 year old son.

ONWARD!

Love you Friend. You are so missed and always will be. I’m trying to be strong but can’t promise there will not be tears — they are sneaking out without much notice. But, behind the tears there are so many wonderful memories and there will always be a smile when I think of you.

ONWARD!

Love, Jess

Photos will follow at a later date. I have limited energy dealing with the ANDs.