When will we feel ready?

Most days I feel like COVID is over. Besides grabbing my mask to walk into Target or the doctor’s office, COVID seems to be a thing of the past. I watch the news and hear stories about outbreaks of the Delta variant and know that people are still getting sick around the world, but here – in our little northeast, suburban bubble – we’re starting to relax. Everyone we know has been vaccinated and I don’t know anyone who has been sick for months.

So why are waiting to send Jack back into the real world?

We are traveling again, we are eating out, we are having friends over and even letting them inside the house. We no longer wash down our groceries or cover ourselves in hand sanitizer every five minutes. There are days that go by that I don’t worry about much, including Was that a hot flash or a fever?!?!?

Still – I’m worried about sending Jack back into the real world.

Jack graduated from high school from our driveway last May and at the time the adult program he was due to start was closed to in-person clients. It was closed for over a year, and we got rather used to this new, slower pace. Jack gets to sleep in and hang out with Maria and her family. He gets to take walks and spends time in the pool. He seems content. I know that he would love to spend some time with his old buddies and perhaps he might be a little tired of his loving family, but every time I think about a bus pulling into the driveway and taking him off to a day program, I start to panic. How many people will he be with throughout the day? Has everyone been vaccinated? Who is going to feed him, and will they wash their hands . . . for twenty full seconds . . . or more?

I know all parents can relate. Many felt that way the first time they dropped their babies off at day-care. Leaving your precious love in someone else’s hands can be scary. At almost 23 years old, Jack is still my precious love. As much as I researched the program and am very impressed with everything that they’ve done to protect their clients, I can’t seem to pull the trigger. I’m worried about new variants and careless coughs and a lot of other What ifs?. I think I ‘m also a little worried that if we send him back that somehow, we’re jinxing everything for EVERYONE (I’m sure my professors would have a field-day over that ridiculous sense of power)!!

Is it nuts if we wait until September? Isn’t September a good time for us all to dive back into real life again? Anna will be heading back for her last term at Hopkins and Dan will start going into the City a couple of days a week. I’m starting my internship in-person at a clinic in Newark. Waiting until September will allow a little more time to see what’s going on, and it’s right around the corner — RIGHT?

Writing this has made me feel like I’m being a little cautious. I reached out to them and next week Jack, Maria and I are going to go see the adult program in person. Perhaps it will make me breathe a little easier. I still think September sounds good, but who knows!

I’ll keep everyone posted. Meanwhile, please tell us — Do you feel ready?

Love, Jess