Tag Archives: sister

My Sister (daughter/bestie)

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I didn’t have a sister, so I made one. It took a bit of help from Dan and loads of support from our friends and extended family, and I think we’ve done a pretty amazing job with the project. She’s just one inch shorter than I am, has the same blonde hair (although hers is a little more natural than mine), and we defiantly share the same sense of humor. She is a great sister to have. She is smart beyond her years and is the kindest person you will ever meet. She is a much younger, smarter, kinder version of me. Anna is my mini-me daughter/sister/bestie.

Thanks to my daughter/sister/bestie being thirty years younger than I am, I get to have a window into the life of a teenager in 2017. Trust me – it’s amazing!

This June has been particularly packed with fun and signs that our little girl is not so little anymore. I know I am not alone in being caught off guard by how painfully long parenting goes on AND just how quickly it’s over. How can our girl who was just in pre-school be on her way to starting her last year of high school and filling her life with so many adult things?

Last weekend Anna stayed home alone for a night. She had to stay local while the rest of us went to visit family. We were going to have her stay with friends, but after a lot of back and forth, we caved. She has never done anything to lose our trust and she did not disappointment us last weekend. There were no parties. If you are thinking, “How would Jesse know?” . . . I set up a camera in the center hall — really — I might trust her but I am not a fool AND I’m also a little nuts.

Then, this week Anna went to her second Prom for the season. Our beautiful girl looked stunning in her red dress and wore higher heels than her mama can manage. She shared plenty of fun stories of teenage silliness with her (much) older sister (that’s me). She also came home at 4:03 am (I still have the camera in the center hall). I sure wish I could have half the energy of my daughter/sister/bestie!

The last hurrah for Anna’s Magical June will be her birthday. Anna turns 17 on the 28th. In NJ, 17 means she gets her driver’s license. That chunky little peanut who used to snuggle safely in a car seat just a minute ago is going to be driving a car. It’s a little hard to imagine, but at least now I have a daughter/sister/bestie who can help me with errands and is also a designated driver!

All these significant events are to be celebrated, and I feel so lucky that Anna and I have a relationship that is so close, but as each of these events happens there’s a little stab to my heart. Prom, staying alone, senior year, driving – these are all milestones that Jack will never reach.

It’s hard, but so far I’m holding it together. Thank goodness I’ve mastered the ability to compartmentalize. It’s the only way I can survive. When I look at my daughter/sister/bestie, I try to clear my head of what ALD stole from Jack, and focus on how amazed and thrilled I am for her. So much of Anna’s life has been about Jack. It’s her turn to be the center of attention.

Besides venting a tiny bit here, I am going to do my best to continue to ignore that little stab to my heart. It might not be the healthiest decision, but I really want to avoid missing these celebrations by wasting time with the “If onlys”. Life is way too short and my sister/daughter/bestie needs me!

Love, Jess

 

 

Do as I say – not as your brother does

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The response to It Shouldn’t be a Secret has been a little overwhelming. I went from not being sure if I was ready to share the news that Jack was using medical marijuana, to having over 4000 people read the post and fielding tons for phone calls, emails and texts filled with stories and questions.

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Overall, there has been very little judgement. In fact, it seems that everyone has a friend or family member who has used cannabis for medical reasons. Some of the most conservative people I know seemed almost relieved to share their stories that they had hidden away as if they had done something criminal. Wait – in much of our country marijuana IS criminal – THAT’S part of the problem.

The one hint of criticism came in a question asked repeatedly. How did we explain to Anna that her brother was going to experiment with pot?

First – Jack is not “experimenting with pot” – he’s trialing the medical benefits of cannabis (that sounds way more official).

We did approach the conversation carefully, but we were honest with Anna from the start. Anna is only sixteen, and by all means we do not condone the use of any substances by young people, but — BREAKING NEWS — teenagers have seen more than you think. Anna knows people who use pot for other reasons than trying to alleviate the spasms in their feet. She was not shocked by the word “marijuana” and she understands that what’s good for her brother is NOT good for her (or her curfew).

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Also, people need to remember that Anna is not your average kid. She was six-years-old when her family scattered and she was told that her brother might not survive. She has witnessed the reality of life changing overnight and the fact that there is often not a right and a wrong answer when searching for solutions. Instead there is often a “maybe if we . . . “ and “let’s see if this works”. Anna is interested in studying biomedical engineering. It took me a while to truly understand what that means other than many, many years of education post high school. My limited understanding now appreciates that Anna wants to help create treatments to save lives. ALD, cancer, ALS – watch out. When Anna sets her sites on something, she’s all in.

Now that medical marijuana has been a success in our house Anna seems to be wondering less about the smell in our kitchen and more about what in cannabis is helping Jack. The scientist in her is fascinated. Lucky for us, because I’m more interested in the fact that it’s working then why — it’s probably good to have one person in the house who understands the science behind it.

As far as the stigma on marijuana – we’re getting over that. The more research we do, the more solid we are in our belief that marijuana is a remarkable drug with a host of benefits. Just last week, top scientists at the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering and Medicine weighed in on marijuana and it’s health effects. After considering more that 10,000 studies, they concluded that marijuana is helpful for pain relief, muscle spasms related to MS (a disease similar to ALD), and for treating nausea and vomiting associated with chemotherapy. I think it’s time we all take a look at our medicine cabinets and realize they’re filled with far more harmful things than cannabis. Hopefully we will continue to see positive change in policies regarding marijuana (although after today, who knows?).

So, that’s how we handled the Anna situation. We were honest. I’m not sure how Dan and I would have parented teenagers under different circumstances, but we have ended up be the kind of parents who answer questions honestly and openly. Anna might not know every detail of our histories or every decision we make now, but she knows her share, and Anna has turned into quite an incredible person – I guess we’re not doing such a bad job.

Love, Jess

Anna’s not completely without complaint. When I am baking for Jack, she always reminds me that I NEVER bake for her. Sorry.