Last week was tough. It involved long needles and lots of waiting.
I went for my annual mammogram. It was followed by a lengthy sonogram and then a unnerving talk with the radiologist. Two days later, I returned to the hospital for a needle biopsy.
As I was lying on the table having trouble breathing through the pain, Dan sent me a text from the waiting room – You are strong. You are brave. You are fierce. So sweet, but at that moment I felt anything but those things. I was crying even before the doctor started the procedure, wondering how on earth I would deal if I really was sick. A cold is tough for me. Anything that eats up time and saps my energy, takes me away from my responsibilities.
Special moms can’t get sick.
Like most women, I go to my annual mammogram with a tiny bit of worry, but mostly it’s just a nuisance and a pain (literally – no one likes their breasts to be flat as pancakes). Last week’s mammogram results hit me like a brick, reminding me that life can change quickly and nature can be a bitch. She doesn’t care how much you have on your plate. She doesn’t care if you are terrified of needles/pain/blood. She doesn’t care if your family has already spent too much time in hospitals. She doesn’t care if your husband has already lost his mother to the disease or that your friends have already done their share of suffering from illness.
Bad things happen to good people. Life isn’t fair. Not everything happens for a reason. AND special moms CAN get sick.
After several days of feeling sorry for myself and trying to picture myself bald (not a pleasant image), I got the call that my biopsy was negative. No cancer. I do need a MRI that I still don’t really understand, but my doctor isn’t concerned. My boobs (and hair) are here to stay.
We are all breathing a sigh of relief, but it has gotten me thinking about my health. I don’t take perfect care of myself. Sure — I do my share of 10,000 step days and eat plenty of green things, BUT I drink more than I should, I eat meat and dairy and gluten (I love gluten). I pay monthly for a gym I never go into and I’ve never even signed up for a 5/10/20 K run.
I have always tried to balance healthy choices with fun. Figuring that life is short and complicated and should be enjoyed when possible. I always find any excuse for the extra glass of wine or slice of cake. Last week scared me. I’m starting to think that as I approach the big 5-0, I need to focus more on the long road and being there for my family.
Special moms can get sick and nature can be a bitch — I really don’t want to add to the odds.
Love, Jess – (written while enjoying some green tea and kale)
P.S. To all of my friends and family that have fought breast cancer. YOU are my heroes! That one little biopsy nearly sent me over the edge (honestly, I nearly passed out when I saw the length of the needle).