I got a little taste of my old life last weekend.

Two former clients reached out to me about taking some photos. I’ve had the pleasure of doing a few projects over the last ten years, but my days of steady photo work are long gone. Another victim of Adrenoleukodystropy. Occasionally, I get calls from old clients and I usually explain that I’m focused on other things, but these customers wouldn’t take no for an answer, so I dusted off my camera and I crossed my fingers.

Two shoots in one day. It felt strange to be behind the lens again, but as I looked through the work this morning, I smiled. I still got it. I’m not planning on going back to weekends full of families and babies, but it sure felt good to dip my toe into my old life.

I try not to spend much time focusing on what ALD stole from us, but there are some days that remind me of things that we’ve lost. Saturday was one of those days. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and I’ve realized that although I miss my camera, even without working as a photographer, I’m still using that side of me.

I have substituted photography with writing. I approach each in the same way. I have an idea and I troubleshoot until I find a way to achieve my goal – whether it’s catching the sparkle of a giggling baby or sharing a story. And, both photography and writing are about connecting with people. I was a decent photographer, but I think my biggest strength was how I approached my clients. I’m good at reading people and I’m a good listener. I usually managed to make my clients comfortable. When taking portraits you need to have the client feel comfortable with you – otherwise you end up with that lame, awkward smile that we all had in our ninth-grade school photos.

I’m also aware of the comfort of people who read my blog/book. I’m a decent writer, but certainly not trained. I think what people respond to is the voice in my writing. It’s approachable. Whether I am taking about watching JackO win his race at the Special Olympics or how it feels to fight with Social Security or what it’s like to shower your eighteen-year-old son after he has soiled himself, your sofa and the floor (have I written that yet? It’s a common occurrence around here) – I think (hope) I am able to bring people into our lives for a brief moment.

As much as I loved picking up my old life, I think I have settled comfortably into my new one. I’ll take my computer over my camera for now. I need to write to help myself process our experiences and I love sharing with people who are going through similar challenges. I’m putting my camera back in it’s case. Not that I will always say no when old clients reach out. I might dip back into my old life every now and then. Maybe two or three shoots a year  . . . maybe four or five.

Love, Jess

PS While I was writing this, I got an email that a piece I wrote about medical marijuana is getting published on The Mighty. I get my share of notes that start with, “Thank you for sharing your piece. Unfortunately . . . . “. It feels great to get a note that starts with, “Thank you for sharing your story “Our Family Secret” with us! We’d like to feature it on The Mighty and make you an official Mighty contributor.”