I used to love the fall. It’s crisp air and magical light always arrived to some relief after a busy, hot summer. The beginning of the school year always felt like a new beginning and our calendars were filled with annual events — harvest parties and parents’ weekends. And, the fall culminates with a wonderful holiday — my birthday.

This year is different. As the temperatures lower and the leaves begin turning, I’m starting to panic.

I’m worried that we’re approaching the second round of hunkering down as the fall has arrived and the COVID numbers have started ramping up again. This time we know what it looks like to quarantine and, in this case, knowledge is not power — it sucks.

When all this started in mid-March, we thought it would be a couple of weeks. Almost like an extended snow day. We filled our freezers with food and set up the puzzle table in the living-room. Having the four of us home was like an unexpected staycation. Am I the only one that thought it was kinda fun? For a couple of weeks . . .

Then the reality crept in. A few weeks of missed school turned into no prom or graduation for Jack. Anna’s spring semester ended at home and then Hopkins announced virtual learning for the fall. Dan’s office started talking about limited returns to in-person work, but not until 2021 and every single house project I had on my list got finished.

Just as we thought that we would go nuts (with just our tiny pod), the weather warmed and our backyard filled with other people and life was okay again. Different, but okay. We got into a rhythm. Dan realized that he could sneak in some hiking while on calls. We planned at least one dinner a week with friends or family. Anna headed back to study in Baltimore for a change of scenery (and people). Jack got to spend some time with old friends and enjoy long walks and hours in the pool. We even ventured to friend’s yards and restaurant dinners (in parking lots), and snuck in a couple visits to Block Island. Our family realized that we could manage our strange new life of masks and Purell as long as we could see some people. It wasn’t a normal summer, but it was lovely.

Now days are getting shorter and cooler, and except for a few fire-pit nights planned, I see a very empty calendar. It’s hard to make safe plans if we don’t have the ability to be outside.

I hear people saying that things can’t shut down again. The economy will be ruined and people will go insane. I agree, but I’m just not sure my family has a choice.

Jack’s immune system is pretty strong 13 years post-transplant and we are usually able to manage his Addison’s Disease and Epilepsy with medications. Jack might be able to get through COVID without too much harm. But he might not. My parents might do just fine. Or not. And what if I got sick? Not in-the-hospital sick, just really sick. Who would care for Jack? Where would I care for myself?

We’re a family who is erring on the side of caution and I’m worried that it means that we will soon be limited to our home and a tiny pod. I don’t WANT to do it again. I’m just guessing it’s going to happen. So for the next few weeks we’re planning to do as many outdoor activities with friends/family as possible. We are also going to load up on some extra food for our freezer and grab a little extra toilet paper.

I know we are not alone in worrying about friends and family who might be more vulnerable. What are you doing to protect them?

Love, Jess