saying goodbye is hard

Our family has been showered with so much love following us saying goodbye to Keegan. Thank you. Many have asked how Jack is doing and my answer has been, “As well as anybody would be saying goodbye to a dear friend.”

Saying goodbye is hard.

The morning Dan and I agreed that it was time to call our veterinarian, we shared the decision with both of the kids. We explained that Keegan was in pain, he wasn’t eating and was having trouble walking. We needed to let him go. We talked about him always being in our hearts and that he was going to move on and get to be free of his body that was failing. Anna who had been visiting with my folks said she would come right home, and Jack didn’t react for a moment and then made a pained face and cried. Silent but very real heartbreaking tears.

We spent the day lingering in the living-room where Keegan rested on the floor. We gave him love and cried and laughed and watched bad tv. Jack got to spend a few hours with one of his other mothers, Monica, and got home just as the veterinarian arrived to peacefully send Keegan off to his next journey. It was horrible and beautiful.

We’ve spent the last week sharing a lot of stories about Keegan and picturing him up in heaven playing with many of his old friends. Through our tears we’ve laughed about him needing to be careful that Finn doesn’t stop him from having some fun – Finn never liked Keegan getting to play. Be strong Keegan – it’s your turn to be in charge!!

The house feels a little empty, but Tupelo is doing her best to give us the licks we all need right now. And Jack is doing as fine as any of us are right now. We are all going about our days and periodically getting a firm reminder of what is missing.

Saying goodbye is hard.

People often confuse silence and disability with ignorance, even stupidity – Jack is neither of those things. But, times like this, I wonder if a little ignorance (even stupidity) might not be such a bad thing.

Love, Jess

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