Tag Archives: vacation

Summer Round Up

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Summer’s coming to a close and I think I’m ready. Sure, I will miss the long days and the family time, but I think I need to get back to a schedule and SHHHHHHHHH – I’m looking forward to the house being mine for a few hours each day. Is that so bad?

This summer was filled with activity – birthdays, Santa Fe, BBQs, fun. Block Island, as always, rated high on our list of favorite adventures. We didn’t get quite as much time there as we’ve grown used to, but the reasons were good. Dan’s job had him busy with travel (work is good), Anna had an amazing internship and started looking at schools (work is essential), and the best reason to miss Block Island time was that my brother Philip got married to a lovely woman who we are excited to welcome to the family. Welcome Kate!!

 

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This summer also included fun activities like applying for guardianship and Social Security for Jack. Although not as entertaining as time on the beach or celebrating a wedding, I need to share that Jack’s 18 Birthday Project has not been a disaster. There have been a few tears, some money, some doctor’s appointments, some paperwork and some long lines to deal with, but it hasn’t been as painful as I’d imagined.

I’m someone who prepares for the worst. I’m not sure if it’s a product of our “situation” or if I was born this way (I can’t really remember much about life before), but I seem to have a need to picture the worst case scenario. I know this sounds like I enjoy doom and gloom, but it’s the opposite. I worry that doom and gloom might someday kill me if I don’t brace for it.

So when I can, I prepare. When Jack has a fever, I pack a hospital bag. When I see we have a 1/2 tank of gas in the car, I fill it. When we are running low on wine . . . you get the picture. I prepare. So, when I know I need to complete a pile of paperwork providing information to prove that that my eighteen-year-old son is so disabled that he is never expected to be able to work or live independently – I brace myself for both the emotional pain and the dread of dealing with bureaucracy.

I hope I don’t jinx things, but so far, it’s been pretty painless. We hired an attorney that did a remarkable job at guiding us through the process of guardianship without making us focus too much on the details. And, we spent Monday at Social Security where we lucked out and were placed at a desk with the sweetest man. He calmly asked us questions and kept looking at Jack’s sweet smile and saying, “I really want to make this easy for you guys.”. I’m glad I brought Jack. I’m not sure I would have gotten that kind of treatment without him. So all of our paperwork is in and now we wait. I REALLY hope I don’t regret sharing how easy this all was . . .

Enjoy this last blast of summer before the chaos (or quiet luxury) of the school year begins!

Love, Jess

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FYI – The first round of edits of the book are complete. I still can’t believe this is happening.

Traveling is like childbirth

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Traveling is like childbirth. Once you look at the result, you forget about the pain.

When my parents announced last year that they were buying a house in Santa Fe, I thought they had lost their minds. “Santa Fe? All the way in New Mexico?”. They pointed out that it was closer and easier to get to than Chile (where we have a family home). They didn’t seem to appreciate how ridiculous that sounded, so I gave up. I assumed it was some sort of late mid-life crisis and that they would come to their senses.

Thank goodness they didn’t.

Getting to Santa Fe was a journey. We left the house before 7:00 am with three suitcases, two carry-ons and a diaper bag. An Uber took us to Newark Airport where we flew to Denver, took a tram to grab our luggage, found a bus to get our rental car, and drove to Taos, NM. In Santa Fe’s defense, we did add Taos to the trip and we did drive the long way through Colorado. Sounds like an odd choice for us and our diaper-wearing/medication-needing boy, but we wanted to see as much as we could. It was worth it. Colorado is spectacular. The layers of mountains and color made for a bearable six hour drive and some pretty amazing photographs (of corse, I only drove for an hour . . . ).

 

We arrived to Taos around 8:30 pm and found a local restaurant. We were exhausted, but did enjoy a nice dinner before finding our hotel and collapsing quickly into bed. Unfortunately, I drew the short straw and had to share a bed with Jack. It’s not something I would recommend, especially when you’re really tired. He wiggles and kicks and pees. A trifecta that doesn’t lead to a great night’s sleep. I woke up cranky, wondering why my parents couldn’t have gotten a house at the Jersey Shore like everyone else. Santa Fe is really, really far away.

We had a light breakfast at the hotel and did our best to see as much as we could around Taos. Then we had lunch and, between the food and the charm of Taos, I started thinking that maybe New Mexico wasn’t so bad. But, we still had a couple of hours before reaching our final destination. Why is Santa Fe so far?

 

Back in the car heading to Santa Fe we enjoyed the landscape, but had our fingers tightly crossed that we would’t need any emergency diaper stops. Our journey just kept going on and on, until finally WAZE told us that our exit was in .5 miles. We’ve never been so excited.

We pulled off the exit and suddenly the interminable trek to get there seemed to evaporate.

Santa Fe is not the easiest place to get to, but once you arrive, it’s breathtaking. A perfect combination of art and food and shopping and hiking and really good spa treatments. If only it were closer to the ocean, it would be called heaven.

 

So now I get it. My parents aren’t nuts. There is something magical about Santa Fe (New Mexico is the Land of Enchantment). It also looks a lot like Chile and the quiet pace of life out there is a wonderful balance to my parent’s busy lives in New York.

We had a wonderful weekend celebrating 50 years of Juan and Jean. Although there were hours and hours of planes, trams, and automobiles to get there, it was worth it. And, Jack managed to NOT create any sort of funny/awkward/smelly stories along the way – or no more than in a normal day in Maplewood.

Love, Jess

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50 Years!!!! Thank you Nonno and Mymom for a wonderful weekend and sharing Santa Fe with us!

. . . dear, dear, dear, dear, Santa Fe

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I act as if we’re moving to the moon every time we’re going away on vacation. I feel the need to travel with enough medication to get us through a year, and find myself cleaning the house frantically before we leave town. Our dear friend, Maria, is holding down the fort while we’re gone, and I can’t imagine she would care of the basement closets were organized — but there I was this morning, tackling the unnecessary job. And, I kept adding to the pile of “things that need to be packed”, having no idea how we are going to manage getting everything into those suitcases (and is 5 pairs of shoes really necessary?). WHY is vacation so stressful?!?!

No one wants mom going into the trip anxious and cranky. Deep breath. It’s going to be a great vacation.

Santa Fe, New Mexico is where we are headed tomorrow. A long overdo Cappello family reunion to celebrate my parent’s 50th anniversary. 50 YEARS! We’re looking forward to being with family and finally seeing my parent’s new home-away-from-home. Having never been to that part of the country, we’re excited to explore and see as much as we can. For that reason, we decided to fly to Denver and drive to Taos on the first day of our adventure. It seemed like such a great idea months ago when we planned the trip, but now my heart is racing as I imagine a day where we added a six hour drive to the journey. I need to breathe and remember that getting there (can be) half the fun — ONLY IF I LET IT.

Deep breath.

In my defense, most of the packing and organizing is left to me, and traveling with our boy is rather complicated. Add planes and long car rides and there is a bit to think about. It’s not just our constant bathroom concerns (a theme for our family), it’s that we need to make sure that we have enough of everything necessary to get through the trip. Medicine, diapers, chucks, wipes, clothes, sunscreen, more clothes. We also can’t forget to request a wheelchair for the airport. Walking with our hop/skip/jumper (AKA JackO) through terminals is tedious AND his curiosity can be hazardous. Imagine a security line, tightly filled with people. Jack can’t help but pat unassuming heads and lick attractive arms. A wheelchair prevents some of these embarrassing exchanges and allows people to understand that we have a “special” situation. There is the added benefit that it also often expedites the security lines, but it’s tacky to discuss the benefits of putting your teenage son in a wheelchair. Shhhhhh.

So, I’ve been packing, cleaning, confirming flights/hotels/cars/wheelchairs, and primping (Jack and I both needed manicures). We’re almost ready for the trip. I’m not sure why my heart is still racing. I need to relax and focus on the wonderful adventure that lies ahead. It’s time to breathe and think about Santa Fe.

“Santa Fe, dear, dear, dear, dear, Santa Fe.” Bob Dylan

Love, Jess

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Sorry. I do have a good excuse . . . really good . . . but I will save that news for another time.

 

Wandering through middle age

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Back from our trip, trying hard to hold tight to my mexican mood. It’s so much easier to define yourself as content and happy when your biggest worry for the day is where to go for lunch and whether you want a swedish or a deep tissue massage. I’m just hoping that my new outlook doesn’t fade as quickly as my tan.

My mood has improved dramatically since Dan and I went on our anniversary trip. Time alone with my husband in beautiful Tulum is just what I needed to bounce out of the hole I’d found myself in the last couple of months. Allowing others to take the reins also reminded me that we are not alone – we have people in our lives more than capable of helping out. Thanks Nonno, Mymom, Maria and Jeremy for holding down the fort.

During the quiet moments on the white sand beach, I had a lot of time to count my blessings and to contemplate what has been bothering me. The list is rather long, but the simple answer is CHANGE. We’re starting a new chapter. Anna is becoming increasingly independent and Jack too is growing up and requiring us to adjust – again. I need to prepare myself for this next stage so that I don’t get caught in another landslide. But how do I prepare? Making a plan is a good start, but that has me a little lost.

What/where/who/how do I want to be when I grow up?

I’d always thought that by 46 I would know who I was and would have all my ducks safely in a row. My life has taken some major detours, but I’m starting to realize that most people our age seem to be wrestling with similar feelings as they wander through middle age. I’ve been focusing so much on “poor me” that I hadn’t appreciated that most of my peers are going through similar issues. Knowing we are all going through this together makes me feel better.

The lives that we all envisioned rarely come to fruition. And, even if they do, they often look very different through older eyes. Besides, even if life took us just where we expected, we all have periods of change. Change can be exciting, but it can also be daunting.

Middle age comes with so many life changes. Preparing children to leave the nest or not (in the case of many special needs families and friends who didn’t have children). Career changes or the realization that projected careers never materialized. Grappling with how long to keep our homes full of memories but with taxes high enough to pay for a few European vacations a year. Whether or not to cover the gray or let nature take over.

All this crap is hard, but for me the realization that I’m not doing this alone is rather liberating. There’s safety in numbers. I’ll keep you all posted on any great ideas of how to soften the blow of middle age, but for now only one thing is for sure — Dan and I need to plan for more trips. There is something magic about having your feet in the sand.

 

Is there even a word in spanish for FUNK?

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images-6How can my mood NOT improve?

My mood lately has been inconsistent. One minute I’m smiling through my day and then something will hit me – hard. It’s not that I’m buried in a full blown depression (buried in piles of laundry maybe), it’s just that I’ve been in a bit of a funk.

Once I was able to acknowledge the funk, I started working out ways to make life a little less complicated. I’m trying to avoid situations that might trigger my sour moods, I’m trying to make better choices (less wine, more kale – some days I’m better than others), and I am allowing myself to let go of some of the less-than-glamorous aspects of my life. Being a good parent doesn’t need to mean changing every diaper.

Dan and I have made time alone together a priority ever since life changed. We are determined that we will stay in the 10-20% , and being able to focus on each other for a few days (especially out of our element) helps. We are blessed that we have the means to travel and generous people who are willing to help, but I recommend that all couples try it, no matter your circumstances – even just a trip to the local Holiday Inn can allow you to reconnect;)

So, with the goal of reconnecting and to help me feel less overwhelmed about life, Dan and I planned a trip to Tulum, Mexico. We are celebrating 20 years of marriage (it was in June – it took us a while to pull the trigger). We had fun picking the perfect spot and my parents quickly offered to help out with the kids. Then, it was time to sit down and start planning being away for five days.

Ironic that a trip planned to help us relax, further proves how complicated our lives are.

My parents are very capable people. Not only did they successfully raised three children, but my mother is a PHD and has worked with The Red Cross for more years than I can count and my father is brilliant and has such a connection with Jack, that Jack starts laughing as soon as my father enters the door. It should be easy to just hand over the house keys, and let my parents dive in.

Only it’s not.

Although my folks have helped us out before, it’s been a while and the kids are at a different stage. They are teenagers. Jack is complicated and 17. It’s not just the medication and the diapers. Bathing and changing him can be a challenge – he’s strong and about as helpful as a stubborn cat. Anna is a sophomore in high school, with a busy schedule and an active social life social life. And, we have two dogs  – one goes by the name “Bad Dog”. Nothing is patricianly difficult, it’s just a lot of moving parts. Although we have our wonderful team of Jack helpers on board, it’s a lot to oversee.

I always leave a list with important information when we go out of town and this time, it’s managed to grow into a five page document. As soon as I think it’s done, I think of some other random detail about life at 26 Clinton Ave. I keep trying to walk away from it, but it keeps sucking me back.

We leave tomorrow (NOW TODAY!!) for Tulum, Mexico, which by all accounts is paradise. Five days alone with Dan on the beach is just what I need. And, as soon as our flight takes off, I’m sure I will relax, but until then I will continue to add to the never-ending list.

Thank you Nonno and Mymom for filling our shoes this week and sorry for the long list of crazy. There are really only three things that you need to remember – Jack needs his medication, Anna curfew is 11:00 and NOOOO people food for the dogs;)

Adios Amigos!!

 

 

 

laundry, sand and a fading tan

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Anyone else finding sand in unlikely places? I haven’t walked on a beach in three days, but there’s still sand between my toes. After a month on Block Island it may actually be coming out of me. And, I’m pretty sure that there’s still plenty of wine in my veins. Oh, Block Island — I miss you already!

We had a great month away, but all good things must come to an end and I think the six of us are ready to return to reality. It’s a great feeling to be excited about getting home after a wonderful trip. We’re all recharged after weeks of sunshine, sand and family. If it weren’t for all the laundry, I could fully enjoy these first few days of reentry to real life. Luckily, I have Maria here helping me (she is a large piece of duct tape in our lives).

Yesterday Anna slept in and found Jack and me in the den just before noon (the life of a teenager). Jack was watching Zoe 101 and I was tackling a pile of bills. “There you are. I didn’t know where you guys were. I was kinda worried.”

Our house did seem to have grown during our month away. So many rooms and so much stuff. Not sure why we need all this space, but It is nice to enjoy the luxury of using the facilities without my family asking promptly, “How much longer?” or feeling the need to run up to my in-laws house in search of a little privacy. We love the tiny, hairy cottage, but this is our home. Four bathrooms may be a little excessive, but I wouldn’t trade this house for anything. I love every inch of it.

I have a few days to get this pile of laundry done and the sand cleaned up. By next week our tans will have faded and we will return to our school year schedule. Anna starts her sophomore year with a challenging course load and Jack is ready to face his “rehabilitate the gait” project. I’m looking forward to my next round of art classes and going to keep working on my writing. Dan will keep busy doing his thing — is it bad that I still don’t really understand what my husband does for a living? Even the dogs have fall projects. Keegan is getting retested (fingers crossed) and Finn is working on not biting people who approach our house.

The Maplewood Torreys are ready for the light to change, days to get a little shorter and digging out our jeans and boots. Wait — It’s 90 degrees outside. Maybe I will just focus on the fact that it is still VERY MUCH summer. I hope you all are enjoying every drop of these last days.

Love, Jess11666281_10207280584240249_2583005819993036187_n

Rehabilitate the Gait can wait

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I’m not going to lie. When I wrote yesterday’s post I was feeling a little blue. I was wishing that I could just snap my fingers and have Jack bust out of his new, annoying habit. But then, we went to the beach and I noticed that his gait on the sand had more steps than hops. I credit the input of the sand against my “sensory sensitive” boy’s feet, but I also think that Jack knew his mama needed a break. We had a great day and a delicious dinner overlooking the ocean. By bedtime, I had safely returned to my “glass is half full” perspective.

And, the fact is, Jack is still walking. He is completely mobile, it just requires more assistance and a lot of patience to get him around. Our family has been spoiled. Although we needed to modify our activities to make them Jack friendly, we could navigate this new life with ease. Now, it takes a lot of time — and hops. Worrying about this new complication being permanent will not help. Besides, we’re on vacation. We can refocus on Rehabilitate the Gait in September.

Attempting to avoid reopening my can of worries, when we were planning today’s activities we kept away from anything requiring many steps. A bike ride seemed like the perfect solution. Jack on a bike may sound like an unusual choice, but we have a BuddyBike and a dad who has been working hard to build his muscles so that he can manage peddling his boy around the island.

If you wonder why we are able to stay positive even when worrying about new challenges – take a peek at this video. Life is pretty darn good. The Buddybike is part of our duct tape!

Love, Jess

tiny, hairy, and perfect

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She is a gray shingled cottage with a blue door. Far smaller than our Maplewood center hall colonial, but each summer we fill her up and call her home for the month of August.

Two bedrooms and one bathroom is tight for our family of six. The dogs seem quite large when navigating around the space. And, Keegan’s hair can be considered an extra occupant, taking on a life of it’s own. Labs shed, and when contained within our small quarters, a thick layer of blond is added to everything within hours. Luckily, a benefit of a small home, it only takes a few minutes to pass the vacuum. It’s one of my only chores on Block Island.

The fridge is full of snacks and beverages and the closets are stacked with bathing suits, jeans and teeshirts. There’s always a puzzle in progress on the table and Anna has piles of summer homework littering the living room. I try to tidy up the mess, but it always looks a little chaotic. As we get into vacation mode, it bothers me less and less. On slow days, Dan often sets up a tent next to the clothes-line providing us an extra room, perfect for reading or taking an afternoon nap.

The number of guests in the cottage varies. With the exception of last summer (Dan’s magical Garden Leave), Dan is not able to come for the whole month. He dutifully goes back and forth on weekends from NJ to RI for the first two weeks. Anna opened it up further with her Outward Bound trip cutting into August. It allowed Jack, Keegan, Finn and I to have a few slow days of quiet and then Mymom (my mom) came for a visit. The following week Anna arrived with 3 of the 5 Mackays. The cottage was jumping as the amount of teenagers outnumbered the amount of old folks. Just yesterday, Anna’s friend, Natalie, arrived for her second time on Block Island. It’s great to have her here again, but Dan is now here full time and five humans gets a little tight. Thankfully, my in-laws are gracious enough to allow kids to stay in the bunk room. Five in the cottage might have just ripped the vacation mode right out of me.

The cottage is not the only house full of friends and family within the stone walls of the property. My in-laws have a house full from Memorial Day to Labor Day and we’ve gotten to overlap with tons of family. Their house is just steps away from the little cottage and it’s always full of commotion and energy. We head over for family dinners and too many cocktails on the deck. Such a treat to have some extra square footage and great family right next door.

A friend called last night and asked about our vacation, “How’s the cottage?”

I looked around the little cottage and smiled, “It’s tiny, hairy and perfect.”

Thank you PopPop and Sue for our August home.

Love, Jess